I just told the Maud list that I have to rush off to the store and buy Miracle Whip for Kip, who is otherwise a perfect husband but can't eat a turkey sandwich without this evil, slimy stuff. My friend Nansie responded thusly:

Poor Betsy, I have a Miracle Whip husband, too. (That sounds nasty, and not in a good way.)

I would like to share what son Pearce said about Miracle Whip back when he was in the 4th grade or so (he’s 24 now):

"It tastes like old people smell."

Enough said.

Quite enough, yes. But I am amusing myself with the possibilities inherent in the phrase "Miracle Whip husband."

Actually, it might make a quite good country song:

"Well, I've got a Miracle Whip husband,
He eats the stuff with a spoon ...
He's a miracle in many other ways,
But this crap makes me hurl in a spittoon."

Or maybe not.

Yes, it's almost Thanksgiving, and time once again for subject lines from my work spam folder!

Have you already bought all Christmas gifts? (Yes, all of them. Too bad for anyone else who wanted to buy some.)

Give your partner new feelings while have a sex! (Hey, baby, want to have a sex? Which one? Male or female?)

Summer is almost here, be ready! (Okay, let's see. The high today is supposed to be in the mid-30s. It's dreary and the leaves are falling off the trees, and Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Yup, nothing like planning ahead.)

Prestigious Christmas gifts for only the dearest people! (Good thing I bought 'em all already.)

Stay happy man. (Okay, man. Groovy.)

Please review this before Tuesday. (Oops, too late!)

True masculinity is impossible without a substantial volume of male meat. (Really, this is almost too literary for a spam subject line.)

I'm so stupid, they even call me a dummy! (Truth in advertising!)

Penis growth patches are here! (This begs the obvious question, don't you think?)

Tuesday will be huge. (There's Tuesday again. I really should have known about this on Monday.)

How would you like to divert thousands of fresh new visitors daily? (Stop! Go away! Don't look at my Web site! Go somewhere else! All of you!)

If you've got a small dick, don't blame your parents. (However, if you ARE a small dick, go right ahead and blame them.)

Start a new life with beautiful large and firm breasts! (A new perk of the witness protection program, perhaps.)

Obtain a male package that all of your buds would envy! (What the hell goes on in locker rooms, anyway?)

Nail Baby Bible God Eyes Box Circus. (I believe this is a secret code. I'm still trying to crack it.)

Waiting for your urgert response. (Okay. My response is: Urgert. There you go.)

Good day! Good ocean price to you! (Finally! The price of oceans has just gotten crazy lately.)

Don't be afraid to take off your pants in her bedroom. (Unless you're my husband, in which case you should be very afraid of taking off your pants in her bedroom, whoever "her" might be. Just sayin'.)

Make all girls notice your manhood! (Just leave the house without pants!)

Millard's humongous rod. (Good thing, because with a name like "Millard," he needs all the advantages he can get.)

Titanium supply from China. (Yeah, but it contains lead.)

Vampire baby robot pebble junk. (Wait, wait, I haven't cracked the last code yet!)

Pebble worm fruit tiger fire. (STOP!!! Hold on!)

Win in bed with our medicine for your cock. (Open wide!)

If your girl cannot be satisfied with your weewee, you have to turn it into a schlong! (I ... um. I am speechless.)

Explosive finger computer game foot. (Okay, that's it. I have to stop and go work on cracking codes.)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.