One of the advantages of working at a newspaper -- any newspaper -- is that you get free stuff.


When I worked at The Forum, the lifestyle department every spring received a huge box of Vidalia onions, which they kindly shared with the rest of the staff. (They weren't so generous with the other stuff that came to the lifestyle department; periodically they'd have a little party where they divided up the spoils among ONLY members of the department, while everyone else at the newspaper sat at their desks and ACTUALLY DID REAL WORK WRITING REAL NEWS.)


But I digress.


Today I got a package from Aveda containing two new hair-care products, although you'd never be able to tell that's what they are from the names. One of them is called Reviving Mist, which sounds like it could come in handy (although my hair does occasionally need reviving, it's the rest of me that needs it more often). The second product comes in a little jar and is called Defining Whip.


I'm not even going there.

Oh my.


I remember reading a few weeks ago about Madonna embarking on a new life as a children's author. Now I read that, among other things, she's bouncing her ideas off her husband, Guy Ritchie. She is quoted as saying: "He did stay really involved -- you know, he's my greatest critic. Whenever something gave him the retarded tingles, he was not shy about letting me know."


("The Retarded Tingles" would be a good name for a rock band, if perhaps not entirely politically correct.)


Among the other gems of wisdom spewing from her mouth:


"Now I'm starting to read to my son, but I couldn't believe how vapid and vacant and empty all the stories were.


"There were like no lessons, just all about princesses and like the beautiful prince arrives and he takes her for his wife and nothing happens, no efforts are made.


"Nobody asks her what her opinion is, or I didn't see anybody struggling for things. There's like no books about anything."


There's like no books about anything. How true that is.

I am embroiled, enmeshed and entrenched in working on this special publication at work, known as the Growth Guide.


I think when I get done with this, I'm going to work on a new one: the Grope Guide. I'll get Kirby Puckett to contribute an article about the best places in the Twin Cities to grab women, grope them and get away with it.

Which reminds me ...


While I was still at The Forum, and after I'd moved into a reporter slot, an asleep-at-the-switch copy editor one night ran spell check on a story about then-North Dakota Gov. Ed Schafer.


The spell checker suggested that every reference to Gov. Schafer be changed to Gov. Schemer. The copy editor, rather than clicking "ignore," clicked "OK."


Thus, that day's first edition -- which, unfortunately, went to Bismarck, the state capital -- had a nice front-page story about Gov. Ed Schemer.


Fortunately, Ed had a good sense of humor. One particular reader, however, was much more humorless, and she accused us of doing it on purpose.

I used to work for The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead, which, when I worked there, was a fine daily newspaper.


When I was in college, I worked in both the sports and news departments. In 1986, after the senator for whom I worked (Jim Abdnor of South Dakota) failed to win re-election, my old boss at The Forum, Terry DeVine, called and asked if I'd come back as a copy editor.


I was happy to do so, and I stayed there until 1995, when I moved to Minneapolis.


Now I work as the managing editor (interim at the moment) for The Business Journal. But I keep up with The Forum.


I hope a lot of you will understand my shriek of dismay when I read this item today in The Forum's online edition:


"On April 4, a sub-headline on the Metro/State page of our final edition read: 'Cohabitation repeal could have went other way' ..."


AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ...


I can say with some degree of certainty that if I was still working there, that headline never would have seen the light of day.

Here's a health update, for anybody keeping track: My back is much better this week, but I plan to avoid any more leg-shaving injuries, if I can. However, Andrew's got a nasty cold, and he kept Kip and me up for most of the last two nights. He's feeling much better today, but I am in desperate need of an IV of caffeine.


I've written my first column for The Business Journal; it will be published in Friday's edition. You can read it here sometime after Friday; just click on "Go to print edition" on the left-hand side, then click on "Opinion."

Jennifer has a blog! She started it at our house last night. You can read it here.