Yet more spam subject lines in my work spam folder ...

You won't believe your eyes when you see your new penis size (This is a safe bet. However, wouldn't this have been more poetic if they'd left out "new"? Then it would be a poem with good meter.)

MS office cheap as chips! (Doritos? Lays? Fritos? Please be more specific.)

Hot sex with Viagra pills (I prefer to have sex with my husband, thanks, but good luck with that.)

Bomb (I am puzzled by this. Does this qualify as a bomb threat? Should I be alerting the authorities?)

Rather sizeable dick Evangeline (Yup, it's a Longfellow.)

Martha cooks in prison (Martha cooks everywhere. And forges her own cooking utensils, too, probably.)

This watch is inconceivable (Has it tried fertility drugs?)

I need your reply urgently (Oh, sorry. My reply is: No.)

U want to work stable? Just buy licensed windows here! (Yeah, because you can't trust those unlicensed stable windows.)

Special snake camera (For that snake's-eye perspective.)

Bigger penis won't be on TV but in your shorts! (I put away all my summer clothes last weekend, but I'll check when I get home and see if I overlooked this.)

Referral referral (Dear Sir, thank you for referring me to someone who could give me a referral. Yours truly, Betsy.)

What is the anabolic diet? (Beats me. Ask Marion Jones.)

Find the elephantine body part Kurt (Nice trunk, Kurt. Have a peanut.)

Vanessa Hudgens is nude somewhere. (Let's be clear about this: Everybody is nude somewhere at some point. Even those who should never be nude, ever, even alone in the shower. I'm just saying.)

Natalie Portman is sort of not really nude (You don't seem to get it; please see above.)

You don't need to envy guys with larger equipments anymore (Thank God. My neighbor owns a bigger dump truck and hydraulic hoist than I do, and I'm eaten up with jealousy.)

Can I trust you? (No. No, you can't. I'm terribly untrustworthy. Sorry.)

Women will never complain. (Oh, come now. You might just as well say, "Men will always load the dishwasher.")

Britney Spears displays her vagina (Yes, and just look where it got her.)

Susie's fat penis (Let's introduce Susie to Britney.)

He has much worthy blame laid (This is clearly an e-mail from Shakespeare. Or Yoda.)

Megadik is your new weapon (Stand back! She's got a Megadik!)